Sunday, September 18, 2005

Love Better than a Billionaire

Good morning, Happy Souls!

Are you feeling motivated this morning? I certainly hope so. I know that I am!

Before getting into the substance of this post, let me remind you of my teaching plans for the rest of this month in the Boston area:

In Brookline, Massachusetts (617-730-2700)

Course V267: Raising Capital for Your New Business on September 20 and 27 (this is the expanded version of my popular course on starting a small business and can save you a fortune in capital costs!)

Course V268: Franchising Opportunities to Start a New Business on September 21 and 28 (this is a new course to help you find the right franchise operation for you) -- This course is almost sold out!

In Newton, Massachusetts (617-559-6999)

B 2172: The 2,000 Percent Solution (creating ways to accomplish 20 times as much with the same time and resources: It's like cloning yourself 20 times! -- see for background)

I also offer individual tutorials and seminars on these subjects year around.


Many billionaires report problems in their relationships with the opposite sex. But so do many non-billionaires.

A friend of mine is quite wealthy and very distinguished. While he's not a billionaire, his net worth is certainly up in that direction. He's married to a wonderful younger woman I've been friends with for 30 years. They are both great people.

One day, my male friend was injured in an accident. He was sure that he would be okay so he told his wife not to bother going to the hospital with him. When he returned from treatment, he was delighted to see her running to greet him. He told me that he thought to himself, "She really does love me." She grabbed him and hugged him, and regaled him with how thrilled she was that she had just birdied a hard golf hole. He felt a little discouraged by that experience.

We would all like to give and receive love better. What can we do?


Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce. An even higher percentage of live-in relationships don't work out.

A client of mine had been married eight times before he was 40. A mutual friend used to observe that the client couldn't tell the difference between asking a woman out for another date and marrying her. After three good dates, the client would always propose.

Something's seriously wrong. Books on having better relationships sell in the millions, and the authors get another divorce.


In my role as an reviewer, I am often asked to review relationship-improvement books. Much of what I read in those books doesn't work based on my observations of the lasting and broken relationships around me.

Here's my time-tested list of what I've seen work:

1. Love yourself the way you would like others to love you.

At the Breakthrough to Success seminar, I was astonished by one exercise we did. Each participant was directed to verbalize what their "internal" voice said to them that made them feel bad. All around me I heard people berating themselves in the most unpleasant and hurtful ways imaginable.

If you tell yourself all that bad stuff a few thousand times a day, you're going to be pretty grumpy when you bump into those you love. Undoubtedly, they will get a taste of that bitterness as well.

Jack Canfield gave us an exercise that seemed to really help most people. Before going to bed at night, give yourself a loving talk. Greet yourself pleasantly in the mirror. "Hi, Don. It's great to see you." Smile as you do. Then praise yourself aloud for everything good you did that day. Then appreciate yourself aloud. Take a big breath and say, "I love you." Take another breath and stare into your eyes for 15 seconds.

At first it will seem weird, but after 40 days, you'll like yourself a lot better. Keep it up!

This seemed a little narcissistic to me, so I also started saying that the reason I wanted to love myself more was so I could love God and my family more.

2. Ask those you love how they would rate your relationship. If they give the relationship less than a perfect mark, ask them what would make the relationship better.

You have to know what to work on. Someone you love will be very impressed if you ask what you can do to improve the relationship. That will make them want to try harder. They may also start asking you what would make the relationship better for you.

3. Find a way to be sincerely interested in and to support what your loved ones care about.

Few people have exactly the same interests. Not sharing an interest can feel like a form of disrespect that will undermine a relationship. This is especially true with your children. They want your approval and will find disapproval where you intend none.

My experience has been that I don't usually share the interest in the same way. But I can usually find as aspect of someone else's interests that I can enjoy, and we can enjoy that overlap.

4. Pray twice a day to be a loving person.

Focus counts in relationships. When you think about being a loving person and ask for spiritual guidance, you will do better.

5. Have goals to improve your relationships with all those you love.

Feel free to share your goals with your loved ones. Their awareness of your intention will make it easier to fulfill that intention.

6. Take personal responsibility for the love you give and receive.

Many people seem to believe that Santa Claus will bring them love because they've been good. Love mostly comes from loving, as a form of reciprocity. Also, you have to develop skill in love.

7. Hug your loved ones as often as they will let you.

Feeling your hugs will transmit your love in an irresistible way. Most Americans don't touch each other often enough to have a loving relationship. Set a goal to give at least 8 hugs a day! More is better!


N.B. As you can tell, I'm experimenting with color. Let me know what you like and what I should change about my use of color.

Please let me know what else you would like to learn, and I'll do my best to help in future blog entries.

Thanks so much for your support of this blog. I'm delighted that so many tens of thousands of people have made this blog part of their regular reading habit!

Thank you to my many friends, students, clients and blog readers who are spreading the good word about this blog.

If you are visiting today because someone invited you, I'm delighted to meet you! Let's stay in touch.

Remember to check out

Be More Successful than a Billionaire at,

Enjoy Mansions Better than a Billionaire at,

Enjoy Football Better than a Billionaire at and

Be a World Hero Better than a Billionaire at

May God bless you.

Donald W. Mitchell, Your Dream Concierge

Copyright 2005 Donald W. Mitchell


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